Sometimes, I get so frustrated with the path I have chosen to follow. I think about all the authors that I follow on Twitter and all the authors that I read their books, and I think to myself, “Why isn’t that me?”
It isn’t me for several reasons, the first of which is that I haven’t made myself into one of those writers. I have other things on my plate right now, and up until a week ago, one of the biggest things on my plate was graduate school. Now, the biggest thing on my plate is being a first year teacher. I don’t know why God wanted me where I am, and sometimes I get frustrated with this whole learning lessons the hard way thing.
I get frustrated with the fact that I am not teaching AP 11th and 12th grade English. I get frustrated with the limited knowledge and understanding of my students because I have never had to deal with this much diversity before in my life. I bust my butt trying to make everything as meaningful and understandable as possible, and the biggest hurdle that I face is one that I cannot fix: student behavior.
I’m young, we all know this, and my students frustrate me the same way my siblings do. I know that they can do better, I expect them to do better, then they frustrate me further when I allow myself to get disappointed. I want them to be successful, and more than that I want them to beat the odds.
I saw an interesting quote today that said the job of a parent is to point the way, then the harder job is to step out of the way. I’m not a parent, but I do feel that way so often that it is scary. When do I let them fail? When am I doing to much for them? When can I say that I have done everything that I can without handicapping them?
Until next time…