Whenever I get stuck, like I feel right now, I have to start where I’m at. I’m sitting in my office, my light blue library table threatening to cave in from the stacks of papers that I’ve been ignoring in lieu of writing a novel. The classroom that I teach in isn’t completely done yet. My first project isn’t planned. My garden, due to overproduction and heavy limbs, seems to be on a down swing. Meetings are the story of my life, and even though school isn’t supposed to start for me until Monday, I feel like it started the Monday before last. Running at 5 in the morning isn’t getting easier. I feel frustrated with AP World history. I feel like I have more to add to my checklist everyday than I can possibly check off.
But, I’m happy.
Sometimes I get sucked into having the wants. I want a new laptop because I’ve had mine for six years. I want to buy all the baskets at TJ Maxx because I want to do ALL the organization. I want to remodel the bathroom because for some odd reason the 1980s fake marble isn’t doing it for me. I want my novel to finish revising itself. I want to max out my credit card buying books and journals. I want summer to start over. I want a new car. I want to be debt free.
And when the wants get bad, I have to take a step back and see all the things that I do have. I have a job that I love. I get to wake up every morning and run my little heart out, even though my little heart doesn’t really like 5 am runs. I have the two funniest dogs in the world, seriously, they are weird. This may be a weird one, but I have a coffee pot that makes delicious coffee. I wake up every morning because of the thought of coffee. I don’t even like sleeping in because that is putting off the drinking of the coffee. I get to write everyday. I’ve written a novel and I’m revising it now and I feel the most accomplished that I have ever felt in my entire life.
I have the best husband a girl could dream of having. Just so you all can agree that he’s the best, since I started running at 5 in the morning, he’s been getting up and riding his bike with me because it’s dark, I’m a chicken, and my imagination plays tricks on me. Luckily, his imagination did the same this morning as we ran through the fog and he was certain (based on Lockwood and Co. by Jonathan Stroud) that there was most definitely a Source (ghosty) in the field. Either way, I would have had him as back up if I did get attacked by the ghost, so I would have been fine.
It’s easy to get sucked into the wants. Sometimes I think I’m more guilty of it than others. But when I list out all the things I have, when I look around my office and I’m surrounded by books, when I open up the Georgia novel and love on my puppies, when I come home everyday to the best man alive, I can’t help but be happy with all that I do have. Happiness has always been a choice, and I sure am glad that it is an easy one to make!